I loved jewelry.
Van Cleef, Boucheron, Cartier,
they tickled my fancy!
One morning, I packed my bags and headed for Paris.
I knocked on every door!
But as I had no credentials,
I wound up at the Ritz: Washroom attendant!
I always loved luxury.
But as I couldn't afford to live in it,
I went to work in it.
ORCHESTRA SEATS
I was a naive young thing, I admit it.
I always loved luxury.
Nothing but the finest hotels, only palaces.
You listening, Jessica?
Sure, Grandma.
Found ajob?
Not yet, but...
- Still on your mind? - What?
Your boyfriend.
Less and less.
Don't stay here too long.
This place gets you down.
I like being with you.
Come and give me a kiss.
You're my ray of sunshine.
Could you switch on my soap?
People live too long now.
My dear neighbor, Augustine.
She's 92!
Her son's almost 70!
Know what? She's ruining his old age.
The visits,
the worries, costs.
It's expensive here, though it's not luxury,
if you've known it!
I always loved luxury,
but I couldn't afford to live in it,
I decided to work in it.
Did I tell you
how I got ajob at the Ritz?
No, tell me, Grandma.
One day, I packed my bags and headed for Paris.
I knocked on every door!
I was a chambermaid,
then a housekeeper.
Mornings,
I'd come out of the Metro and get to work...
There were flowers everywhere!
Those rooms smelled so good! Roses on the trays,
diamonds on the nightstand...
I always loved luxury,
but I couldn't afford to live in it, so I pushed my way in!
Yes, I'm an experienced salesgirl.
I'm good in cloakrooms.
We don't hire women here. Look around, no waitresses!
This place is special! You experienced?
I've done lots of waitressing. In brasseries, in Mâcon.
Why's it special?
It's not a brasserie, and this isn't Mâcon!
We're a microcosm. Know what that is?
We get street-cleaners, nannies, models,
- Alain Delon... - Alain Delon?
Not every day, but...
Wait.
Come over here.
Sit down.
That's the manager of the theater opposite.
Breakfasts here every morning. We're his second office.
We get stagehands, hotel doormen... Everyone can afford our prices.
Millionaires come when they're bored with room-service.
A good ham-sandwich makes them feel at home.
And this area has no supermarkets or drugstores.
Just us.
But we don't hire women. Never!
Why not?
Tradition.
But with the 17th coming up...
- Why the 17th? - There's a concert,
an opening night, and an art auction.
All at once. Think of it!
I got 2 waiters out sick. We'll be swamped.
- Can you make steak tartare? - Me? I'm a whiz!
Ladies and gents, we resume at 2 PM.
You're in great shape! Your wife's still as beautiful.
We have the dates for Salzburg.
You prefer 11-18th of June, or the 8-12th of July?
No, we're at Carnegie Hall in June. Must be July.
There's still time.
2012 is around the corner!
Meanwhile, where do we lunch?
Keep well!
Hope you wind up in my cab again!
You kept everyone waiting! You're a pain!
Serge, your voice isn't projecting!
Traffic jams, I presume?
We shot all night in a freezing squat!
I slept an hour! Thanks to the traffic!
So if you're even faintly unpleasant, I'm outta here!
- "So you could eavesdrop!" - "From the window?"
Doesn't matter.
Catherine, could I ask you to...
I won't do this play with poultry on my head!
She gonna be a pain all the way?
You picked it?
No way!
- You don't recognize me? - I do...
No, you don't.
You once dined at my house, after your concert.
There was a fabulous blue Braque!
Right. I'm selling it.
I'm selling everything, on March 17th at 9 PM.
Come, it'll be a good auction.
I can't.
I'm playing here. It'll be a good concert, I hope!
- Come in. Take a look! - Thanks, but I need a breather...
- You're selling everything? - Yes.
Why?
A collection is a living thing. When its heart stops beating,
it's over.
I began as a cabbie, I don't want to end a museum guard.
I'll stop by.
Here. It's all in there.
My complete works!
I'm quitting the show. I told you! You told them?
They're devastated.
I don't give a shit!
150,000 Euros an episode, 6 episodes a year for 3 years.
You'll be rich, you can quit work.
I don't want to quit working. Just that shitty soap!
Dessert? Coffee?
Herb tea with fake sugar, please.
Sorry, I hadn't recognized you.
You're amazing! My grandma and I adore you!
That's nice.
No dessert, you sure?
Jessica!
Excuse me.
Never recognize a customer!
- But she's... - Precisely!
Don't push our desserts or make comments!
Never say: "They're all coming at once".
It's a restaurant! That's what happens!
Yes, sir.
The name's Marcel!
Any news from Alain Renais?
- His film's been postponed. - Good!
He wouldn't have picked me anyway.
May we congratulate you?
Thanks.
You're fabulous!
We never miss an episode!
Thanks.
I've had it to here!
You're edgy. You open in 3 days...
Don't bet on it!
What do you mean?
That assistant flaunting her boobs and her dumb dad may do me in!
Working with your daughter should be fun.
And your ex-husband's the best, even if he drinks. Does he still?
Not even! It's a nightmare.
The play's dumb, I'm treated like a factory worker.
I added a chocolate.
Is he here?
- Who? - He's in Paris.
I spoke to his casting director, Magali Garrel.
That bitch?
She hates me! Forget it.
We were in drama school. Her whole career was 2 walk-ons!
You've got to talk to him!
He's sticking to his list.
Sure, Binoche, Baye, Adjani. We know that list.
And Bellucci, too.
To play Simone de Beauvoir? Why not Sophia Loren?
OK... he's in Paris,
he's staying at the Plaza.
I'll try to get him to cross the street and see your show.
How was that? You want to destroy me?
You know Feydeau's plays! Wait till you see my hat!
Sobinski won't hire me to clean Sartre and Beauvoir's toilet!
Listen...
I dropped off a tape at his hotel.
Of "Her Honor the Mayor"? You didn't?
Working with slave-drivers is tough, manic-depressives are worse.
I'm not manic-depressive, I'm bipolar. It's not the same.
Sure. Try to get some sleep, OK?
I'll call you.
Wait.
How do you know about Bellucci?
She's my client now.
You kidding me?
No.
I'd say you're her client! Bastard! Dirty pimp!
Bellucci!
Hi. Mr Lefort's dressing room, please?
- Who wants to know? - I work at the Bar des Théâtres.
They hire girls now?
Since this morning. I'm on trial.
He's in the presidential dressing-room.
Across the stage, up the stairs, 3rd floor.
His name's on the door.
Thanks.
Mint cordial, right? Marcel wasn't sure.
- They hire girls over there now? - I'm on trial.
- This is for you. It goes on my tab. - Thanks.
It really is presidential here.
Sorry?
You sleep here?
I wish I did.
There's even a shower.
You ever go to concerts?
Not a chance.
Why not?
I like music, but that's it.
Classical music doesn't... I don't know it well.
Know that?
Sure.
Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are
It's Mozart.
Drives me nuts!
I never learned. No musical education.
Don't apologize! I'm apologizing to you.
Don't. Why?
Because you're young, you sing in tune,
and you never go to concerts.
For you it's another world.
A chic, snooty world, right?
I'm sick of it.
Does that surprise you?
Sure does.
You play so well.
- For instance, you're a waitress... - Not really.
Oh, yeah?
It's a long story.
Anyway...
if you want to quit being a waitress, everybody will understand.
But a concert pianist...
nobody understands!
Not even you, who shunt concerts.
Sit down.
Is it a very long story?
Once I get started, I can't stop.
I've got time.
OK, here goes...
My parents died when I was little,
and my grandma raised me.
The Braque needs a better place.
I agree.
- You know Valerie? - Of course.
It's coming along.
What's amusing is that now I can sell them...
but I could never buy them.
- Mr Grumberg? - Yes.
There's a man waiting for you across the street in the bar.
- A man? - Mr Grumberg?
Yes, that's me.
He's called Mr Grumberg, too.
"The Kiss".
There are 5 of them. This one's carved in stone.
It makes you want to fall in love.
He'd appreciate that.
Brancusi would.
You're not in love?
No longer.
Jacques,
come over here a moment.
"What came over you?"
"No! Stop wandering around in your nightgown!"
Wait.
Can I add a "please"?
"Please, what came over you?"
If you want. Keep going.
"In your nightgown, wearing your hat!"
"I'll remove it later. Now tell me..."
"Your hat be damned!
"A mother who changes her nightgown in front of her son..."
- "A boy of 12!" - "Sorry, 13!"
"No, 12!" Can I drop the "No"?
It works better if I just say "12".
But Feydeau wrote "No, 12!"
In modern speech, it's better if I say wearily,
at the end of my tether, if I say "12!"
Get it?
The problem isn't modern speech patterns.
The problem,
if you can do it,
the problem is to find a modern tone
for old-fashioned lines.
Get it?
"No, 12!"
That OK?
That's fine. Wonderful!
"13, I tell you! His birthday was 3 days ago!"
"Yes, well, 3 days!
- "Doesn't count!" - "Yes. Nothing counts for you!"
Can I take out the "Yes"? It plays better.
Felix, please, don't you start!
OK.
Thanks.
"You think he even knows what a woman is?"
Is this Claudel now? What's going on?
She's dealing with exhibitionism!
With her own body! She's bringing up incest!
At last Clarisse is becoming more than a dodo in a ridiculous hat!
I've told you,
in Feydeau nothing is psychological! Nothing at all!
Nonsense! His mother was a Polish Jew!
"Why do you wander around stark naked?"
Sorry.
What?
300,000 an episode?
I see...
Put it there. Thanks.
I'm in rehearsal. I'll call you back.
"Stark naked? What about my day gown?"
"It's worse! "Transparent as tracing paper!"
"I get it! Spit it out!
"You wish it was made of calico, or madapolam!"
A few eggheads in the audience may know what calico is,
but madapolam?
Is Shakespeare unplayable?
Shakespeare is all about us! He's totally modern!
Compared to Feydeau, he's a rap-singer!
You're a pain!
Screw you!
Let's move on.
- What are you doing here? - Nothing.
She's right. "Madapolam"? Zip!
During rehearsals, nobody comes in.
"Your hat be damned!
"Is it fitting for a mother..."
Jean-François!
They came from Tokyo to see you!
Tokyo?
They need to rest. I'll see them later.
How's the faculty?
Still on the Protestants?
What's your next book?
"Reforms and Persecution in the 16th Century". I just delivered it.
Your text is crap! You're spouting crap!
I worked hard on it, and I'm not a writer.
"A transfusion... the death of a collection...
"by heart-attack."
I thought Mom had the heart-attack!
"The Bible says: There's a time to sell and a time to buy."
Why drag in the Bible?
Stick to Protestants, lay off the Bible!
So, Claudie, ready for the easy life?
She's retiring. It was her choice.
Shit!
OK, you can take a break.
Mint cordial.
Things OK?
They could be better.
And with you?
They could be better.
You and your sister scorned my collection!
If I die tomorrow, you'll screw it up!
I'm planning for its future, as I planned for your lives.
It was all done: You have your trust funds.
Thanks.
So, get off my back!
I know all about it:
You never forgave us for the time
we spent in auction rooms, traveling, in galleries.
And the PTA meeting I missed because of a gallery opening.
You bring that up every time!
I hated them!
I always hated PTA meetings!
And school plays with 200 kids dressed up as lolipops.
I walked out after 10 minutes!
I shouldn't sell? I started as a cabbie. I won't...
...end up a museum guard! I know!
You have money now. You never spend a dime!
You want to do everything differently.
You only buy computers and cheap sofas!
If that gets your rocks off!
We know how you get yours off now!
OK, then...
Let's talk about Valerie, since you know.
That's why you came, so let's hear your version.
To you, it's a great love story. To me, it's a guy getting fleeced.
My great love story was with your mother.
So what do I do now?
Do I live or die? Well, I'm living.
OK, she's too young, and it bugs you...
Because she's taller and slimmer than your wife.
If that amuses you...
Sorry.
You know, Frederic, comes a day...
when time passing becomes time remaining.
You see things differently.
A new life...
is like a house.
At your age, you build one.
At mine, you buy one.
Can I find a room around here?
There's plenty of rooms.
But a month's wages for you
will buy dinner across the street. As for a room...
Got no family? Friends?
She's from Mâcon.
Jean-François... You know my son?
The great Jean-François Lefort!
Don't you want to take a look?
Are you selling "The Kiss"?
I'm selling everything. Why?
Got a small room? And how much?
Room 412. Facing the street, but with double windows.
Only 540 Euros. It's vacant.
Thanks.
Sir!
Mr Grumberg!
You forgot this on the bench.
- I didn't forget it. I left it. - Sorry.
Something wrong?
I need to sit down for a few minutes.
Is it your back?
That hurts. I tell my grandma to sit straight.
You live in this neighborhood?
Neighborhood?
I need a room and...
This is slut-city! Look at her!
200 minks on her back. Or her, with alligator feet.
It's not a neighborhood.
Unless you're looking for a sugar daddy.
The place is crawling with them.
Thanks for all the useful info.
- Don't mention it. - Bye.
Can I keep it?
Thanks.
I believe in God, but to me, religions keep us from God.
As classical concerts keep us from music.
She should write it down.
It matters.
Now the questionnaire of the great Bernard Pivot
on his TV show "Bouillon de culture".
OK, shoot.
Your favorite animal?
My favorite animal?
The peacock.
It's like us soloists on stage: Dazzling but dumb.
How do you say that in Japanese?
That's us.
Write it down.
Thejob you wouldn't want?
Horowitz's.
But that's the job you have?
Sorry.
The interview is over.
A pity...
Come in!
- What should we remove? - Sorry?
I called them. There's too much furniture in here.
Take that, that and that!
The dresser, too.
Want your multi-vitamin juice?
Thanks.
I'll run you a bath.
Take that... And that, too.
One day, he decided to sell it all.
To dump everything he spent a lifetime amassing.
Takes guts, no?
In Venice, you want the Hotel Gritti or the Monaco?
The Fenice needs an answer.
The work of a lifetime, dumped in 2 hrs!
Hold it! "The work of a lifetime".
He's not an artist, he invested in art.
That's totally different.
Like you, in a way.
The signed photo for your niece.
Thanks. I've got mail for you.
Shit! Can I come in?
There's more every day! In that last episode you were great.
- I've started packing up. - Soon you'll be on easy street.
Can I sit down? They're due any minute.
More night shooting. I'm bushed!
They drive me nuts!
And tomorrow's your opening night!
What was the last episode?
You married a lesbian couple,
a dwarf and a paraplegic.
Made me cry.
So that's your memorabilia?
You heard of it?
I don't flaunt it here.
Pop music isn't Mr. Bercoff's thing.
My 30 years at the Olympia helped me get the job.
But here I keep a low profile.
Mr Coquatrix! He wasn't fussy!
We had big stars, but also acrobats, circus dogs,
trained fleas. The people I met!
Even knew some intimately!
I was cute then.
I met a lot of people. Like Gilbert Bécaud...
Hejust came in.
Into the Bar des Théâtres...
Him!
Sobinski!
With that bitch Magali Garrel!
I'm not made up, my hair's a mess.
We shot all night in a squat. I'm a horrible sight.
He's coming over.
He's looking.
No, he isn't.
He sat down, didn't see me or know me.
Pascal, what do I do?
Think so? What did you tell that dumb bitch?
Did you mention me to her?
Think so?
I don't dare.
I can't do that!
Balsamic vinegar with her croissant? Why?
To dissolve the croissant. Every morning! Take it over!
- Balsamic vinegar! - Stay there!
I can't say it,
but when you married the paraplegic,
I almost cried.
Not now!
OK, I'm ready.
Scram!
Magali! You, here?
Hi, Catherine.
- How are you? - Fine.
Sure, you're appearing across the street. Going OK?
Sort of...
How about you?
- Casting a new movie? - I just finished up with Blier.
You know Brian?
Catherine Fersen... Brian Sobinski.
I adored "Taxi Driver".
For me, it's...
Scorsese, of course! I'm an idiot.
Your last film was so moving! The one with...
Help me! You know that actor...
Magali, you know...
No, well...
See you.
Shit!
Dumb bitch!
Fuck you!
- Catherine! Things fine? - Just great! And you?
Fine.
We're having drinks before the concert tomorrow.
Drinks?
A party for you. Your farewell is a big event!
Hello, Lucienne.
Show in Miss Rachida Lahoucine.
I have six Sartres to show you.
Her?
Catherine Fersen.
You met her and hardly looked at her.
Let's get to the point.
On Saturday, I'm marrying you to... Mr Naoufel Larbi Lahoucine.
He's your cousin, right?
Come with me.
Brian, it's unthinkable. She's a D list.
You phoned the bar, so here it is.
Thanks.
Catherine Fersen! I adore her! I missed that show.
You adore her? Why?
Dunno...
She's every woman, all at once!
Tell me the truth.
Are you in love with this man?
Don't you have work to do?
No, I'm on my break.
Don't cry, Rachida. Women who cry don't stand a chance.
Talk to him, Daniel!
Something's got to him. What's wrong?
I don't know. He won't listen to me,
treats me like an enemy.
Says I don't love him anymore.
Maybe it'll pass,
but he's a mess.
I'll say!
You love him? Get him back on the track, or else!
Here he is! He wanders in!
40 musicians! Seen the time?
I canceled the rehearsal!
- We must talk. - Not now!
A TV crew's coming to interview you. You forgot?
No...
Well, yes.
Go get changed, I'll see you later.
Miss?
A grapefruit juice.
Sorry.
I hate being late.
A man without a cell phone, or a car can't be all bad.
Just impossible to live with!
Planter's Punch, please.
Glass of cold milk.
You...
You didn't tell him?
Why? I doubt he'd have believed me.
Why not?
He talks of you, not as a saint
but as a kind of monk or a preacher...
The idea of you and I having had a torrid affair,
hejust wouldn't get it.
No chance he'II?
He's in London till tonight.
I wanted to tell you...
My wife and I, that's all over.
What? I'm staggered.
You left her?
Surprised?
Frankly, yes.
Why?
A man who's a pain to his mistress, can only be a pain to his wife.
Your ulcer?
Yes... no.
It moved. No big deal.
Was I such a pain?
Your problems with your father.
Well, your mother's death, OK.
But your ulcer...
your hatred of De Guise and Queen Catherine...
your fears your wife would catch us...
- Yet we got on well at the time. - Thanks to me, no?
Maybe.
Things have changed.
I have a cell phone now. So if you feel like...
You're kidding me?
There's a man in my life, hadn't you heard?
Is that a problem?
That kind of stuff doesn't turn me on.
But you knew he was my dad?
So what?
Is he your good deed, or your good deal?
I have fun with him.
He teaches me things, takes me places.
He's proud of me.
- He calls me "sweetie". - You don't say.
He shows me off to people.
He's full of pep, he loves life.
And you love money.
OK, I love money. But I'm not a thief, Fred.
Don't call me Fred.
We won't marry, I don't want kids.
- That's a relief! - So don't fuck us up!
Anything else, miss?
Know what?
If you want to, tell him.
Tell him we were lovers for 3 months, 3 years ago.
I don't care.
It'll just cause him a little pain.
That's what you want, right?
This is on me.
Now that I'm rich!
That's on me. May I?
You overheard it all. So tell me what you think.
I didn't mean to...
- What's your name? - Jessica.
Another cold milk. What'll you have?
Well...
OK, a Planter's Punch.
- Still your back? - It's agony!
What's your name?
Frederic.
Tell me, why do you hate Queen Catherine?
I study and teach the Wars of Religion.
In fact, she fascinates me.
But that little gold-digger never got it.
- Did you find a room? - I'm leaving, anyway.
I live in Mâcon, to be near my grandma.
She raised me, and now she's...
Raised you badly, it seems.
Right.
She taught me that a sweet tooth and curiosity
never killed the cat.
Listening to you two was like watching
"The Bold and the Beautiful".
- Where do you teach? - The Sorbonne.
But I'm changing my whole life.
- You tore it out? - Yes.
Was it the Brancusi?
- How do you know? - I saw it.
Even touched it.
My mother's favorite piece.
Put it back in there.
No, you keep it.
Who the hell is that?
What's the gold-digger's name?
Valérie. Why?
She knows her way around.
You want to go back to her?
No, just testing her...
So it's macho stuff. Pathetic.
So what's your exemplary life?
It's a long story, and once I get going...
If it's too long, I'll stop you.
To start, I lost my parents when I was 4.
This year, my boyfriend dumped me, so did my midwifery school:
A doc tried to rape me, and I kneed him in the balls.
So I think my luck's due to change,
and things'll get better.
What makes you think that?
There's two kinds of people.
Those who say, when their phone rings "Who the hell's that?"
And those, like me, who say, "Hey!
"Who can that be?"
- Looks yummy! - A peach melba, please!
We have contracts for the next 6 years, all signed!
Would you leave me?
Answer.
I love you for your playing. A plumber or a banker,
I wouldn't look at! That suit you?
I'm a pianist, always will be. It's my life.
But I'm fed up with all this.
I want to play in hospitals, forests,
for sick kids, old folks' homes, prisons,
and in concert halls where people don't understand music.
But I'm through with this ritual, this costume.
I want out of the goddam system!
We're ready for you on stage, Mr Lefort!
Where do I fit in all this?
Am I part of the system?
That's up to you.
Listen, in 6 years...
Don't talk about contracts, dates, or how I'll go broke.
Talk to me about us!
I'll touch up your nose, it's shiny.
I'll teach piano, you and I in a house by a lake...
No more travels, less money...
Will you kill yourself?
I might.
Yes?
I'm still on the train.
I'll be in Paris soon. It all went fine.
See you soon, sweetie.
I can't wait to see you, too.
Feels weird, huh?
Doesn't it!
They got it all wrong.
This phony replica.
After Tutankhamen's tomb, Mistinguett's bathroom,
now we get "The Grumbergs' apartment".
Can you give me a hand?
Rack of lamb for me.
Me, too. And a bottle of 1995 Marbuzet.
You speak French well.
Who the hell's that?
How about that!
But I've played all kinds of other roles.
In Koltes, Duras,
Lorca...
I like Feydeau because... no psychology.
An incredible life...
he died crazy...
His mother was a Polish Jew.
Let's talk about Simone.
Excuse me.
You wanted to talk to me about the script.
Sorry...
I had no time for lunch...
It takes place in college,
then the start of the affair between Beauvoir and Sartre...
until she met the American...
What renouncing? Simone renounced nothing!
She was sex-mad under her holier-than-thou airs.
She went after Algren, seduced him, then dumped him.
There was no ambiguity!
Sartre was a lousy lay. That's all. Yes, he was.
She was the wild one!
She let him screw around with a lot of bimbos,
supposedly with her blessing,
suffering hell,
even posed as a lesbian to swipe girls who coveted him.
She was diabolical!
The turban, the hair parted down the middle was all sham.
Beneath it, she was a tornado! Balsamic vinegar, please!
She was the rebel!
Who got mangled, who fought to stand up to men!
Who was ageless. Look, I can be any age.
It's the role of my life. Beauvoir is me.
She's in my blood.
Don't listen to the crap they say about me.
Please, not now!
Know what I'm paid for one episode of "Her Honor the Mayor"?
Whenever you're ready.
Fine.
I'll do a last voice test.
I needed a dresser and a chair, a room, in fact.
I had my things moved.
It's true, I made an investment.
I put all my energy and love into your career.
It wasn't a sacrifice.
I never regretted it. We didn't have kids.
I can handle that.
Manager, dresser, secretary,
nurse... I'm happy to do it, it's a pleasure!
But a housemaid in the country,
I'm not sure I could.
Think it over, please.
You, too.
Whenever you're ready!
- You checked the lights "full on"? - Everything's OK.
I wanted that lamp... Higher!
I went to see my grandpa. Too bad, you never met him.
He said to me:
"I think it's ugly, but that's good.
"Only buy things other people hate!"
That's better.
Yes, better.
Your mother and I did well for ourselves.
We handled all the trickiest twists and turns of life:
Loss of desire, wrinkles, my by-passes...
Know how? We both had a hard-on for life every day,
for 30...
No, 40 years, thanks to this collection,
we built a dam against boredom,
against time...
Like two beavers,
adding twig after twig...
Is your back hurting?
No, not at all.
What's that?
Sorry, I was looking for the way out.
Hello, anyway.
Hi. You said I could drop by, so...
Come in.
Catherine... Jessica.
So still no room?
Tomorrow, maybe. But for tonight... This place is cool.
You can have Gilbert's sofa.
The springs are shot, but it's a bed of feathers, trust me.
I'm sentenced to prime-time TV for life.
It's true!
Kusturica, Resnais? Forget them!
Sobinski thought I was a suicidal maniac. And I am!
Anyway, thank God,
there's Feydeau, "Popstars"...
You were on "Popstars"?
Yes, every year.
There! That feels great.
Piaf used to say: "You have the fingers of an angel".
What did Bécaud say when you tweaked his wienie?
Water's boiling.
- Pasta shells or macaroni? - Pasta shells!
For me, life's simple.
For you two, it's trickier.
Mine's simple too: She's leaving me.
Mine already left.
- Your wife? - I'm such a pain.
So is she!
Mine's scared:
The two of us without all this,
alone in the countryside, no kids.
But it doesn't bother me, I love her!
Well mine left me, but I was through with her.
For 13 years, she's been at all my concerts.
Uncompromising, strong beliefs...
What?
Uncompromising is bad enough,
but strong beliefs, too!
You're both too young.
You too!
She took the elevator with you?
Going up? Good.
Now you want to go back down?
If she won't go down with you, forget her!
Open the doors and boot her out.
Is she a musician?
- She plays the cello. - There you are...
She lived through you. If you take that away,
what's she got left?
Don't listen. He's got theories about everything nowadays.
To Valerie!
Who's Valerie?
A cute little golddigger, very nice
and smart.
Am I right?
I love Valentine.
Nobody gets what they want, Jessica!
- But you have what everybody wants. - Yeah, right.
Any balsamic? I'm a compulsive eater.
In the restaurant, now here.
I peep at the audience before the curtain goes up.
Someone's always hoping to pounce on a closer seat.
They watch a free seat till the last minute.
When the lights go down, the fastest idiot
dashes for it.
They're obsessed about being closer!
But if you keep at it,
one day you wind up in the front row,
and there you're too close to see anything!
She's not even listening.
Yes, I am... best seats... front row. Don't stop.
Be right there!
Sorry to have leave you,
but tonight the cops bust a drunken mom in an ugly divorce.
Turns out she's not a drunk, the dad's a pervert,
they're fighting over a kid, and I have to solve it.
See ya!
Your mother arrived in a sled,
and she said to me: "Why do you lie to everyone?"
"Your pretext:
"I'm selling, because now I couldn't buy them...
"In fact, you're selling out of pride.
"You want to hear the stakes going up,
"each extra dollar gets your rocks off.
"It's not the money, I know.
"It's pride.
"It means: I was right.
"I understood before any of you,
"that one day this would be worth a fortune.
"And you lived for that day."
Was she right?
She wasn't wrong.
We've become friends.
She's great, even better in real life.
You'll make it. Don't worry, it'll be great!
No, it won't wear you out!
And I have another surprise for you.
Love you, Grandma. Big kiss!
Happy auction. I hope you get your rocks off!
As to Valerie,
I'm guess she's allright.
Don't get carried away.
Why did you tell her you were in London?
Let's have lunch, some day soon.
- Looks like you were in bed. - Me?
- Just got off work? - No, it's just that...
Once again, it's a long story...
Care for a drink?
But not in there.
Come along.
Where was your bedroom?
Over the garage. There were lots of trucks.
The freight, the airline, all that came later.
One day he broke his piggy bank and bought his first twig.
First twig?
It's the story of 2 beavers.
A cartoon?
For grown-ups.
It took me a while to understand.
Strong stuff!
In your nightly wanderings, have you found anything?
Found what?
What are you looking for?
The best seat in the house, not too close or too far back.
Is there an empty seat beside it?
My back is stuck...
- It hurts, there! - Wait, bend your legs.
Breathe deeply...
Keep on breathing.
- That feel better? - A bit.
Again.
In little puffs.
It's gone.
See?
It's a lovely baby girl!
A window table? None, anywhere.
It's bedlam tonight! Sorry!
We won't manage! They're all coming in at once.
Thank you!
They're lovely!
Some chocolates.
We've got work to do!
- Mr Lefort! - I thought I'd drop by.
How sweet of you!
Catherine!
Here, a trifle.
- You know Jean-François Lefort? - No... of course I do.
Delighted.
- We'd better move. - Seen Valentine?
Thanks, dear.
I wanted to say...
I hope it goes fine tonight, and...
And?
That's all. Enjoy your meal!
What a nerve!
Well...
I wanted to be a performer.
But I didn't have enough...
No talent at all.
So, I thought I'd spend my life with performers.
And at that, I was a hit.
Thanks to them, and to you, I've had a great life.
Thanks!
I'll miss you all!
Too bad she's leaving.
Don't cry.
I'm sweating, right?
You're fine. You'll be OK?
Ready?
I have the key, I'll lock up.
- Can I have a word with you? - Can't it wait?
- But it's my last day... - Your last day?
You said I was "on trial". So I figured that...
What did you figure? Hold it a second!
Please!
You figured what? Must you bring it up now?
That even when you're being nice, you're nasty!
- I'm not, I'm doing my job. - We're all doing that!
We all have problems!
You're no worse off than anyone.
You're not even a pianist or an actor or rich!
Can't you be nice to me just once?
Is there a Jessica here?
It's this delightful young woman!
A lady's waiting in my cab.
Keep it short!
My God!
Watch out! You'll fall off!
Wait!
I don't believe it!
Careful!
You look wonderful!
We sign tomorrow.
They wanted 12 episodes. I agreed to 6.
She has stagefright.
200,000!
250,000 in the back on my right.
It's 300,000 now!
400,000 on the balcony.
450,000 on my left.
500,000 in the back.
550,000.
600,000, who bids higher?
"Please, what came over you?"
"No! Stop wandering around in your nightgown!
"Wearing that hat!"
- "You don't like my hat?" - "I do."
- "No, you don't!" - "Yes, I do."
"No, you disapprove of my hat!"
"My husband objects to my hat!"
- "Not at all." - "You do!"
"I'm not against it."
"Yes, you are! Say it, and I'll take it off!"
"There! Now, let's hear it!"
"I don't give a fig about your hat. So take it off!
"But should a mother wander around
"in a nightgown in front of her son?"
"A 12-year old boy!"
- "No, 13!" - "12!"
"No, 13. 3 days ago."
"2 or 3 days don't count!"
"Nothing counts with you!"
"Hat or no hat!
"With or without your nightgown!"
"You're amazing tonight, Clarisse!"
500,000!
600,000 on my left!
700,000... 800,000 on the phone. It's your bid.
800,000 on my left by phone...
Sold!
"I've been stung by a wasp!"
"Poor Madame!"
"Because you wander around naked!"
"He's delighted by it!
"A wasp! I hope it wasn't poisonous!"
We move on to lot 28,
a fine Modigliani that was exhibited
and reproduced in the catalogue,
and we start at...
3,000,000 Euros... 3,200,000...
against the bid on my left,
3,500,000 in the back, it's your bid, madame...
Now it's 3,500,000... 3,900,000...
"Julien!"
- "What?" - "I beg you..."
"Suck me!"
"I mean really, Clarisse..."
"Suck me! As you did for Miss Dieumamour!"
"But, Clarisse, it was her neck! Not her...
"It was a fly, not a wasp!"
"Wasps can be deadly!
"I saw in the paper, a man died of a wasp sting!"
"Victor, water the plants!"
I'm so hot in here.
Aren't you?
I always found that so uncomfortable!
If you knew...
I feel better now.
But I'll play the finale for you.
Can we go on?
Two bars before S.
Sold to the lady on the left in the back.
Next is lot 31, Brancusi's "The Kiss", 1925,
in brown stone, the only one of its kind,
a very rare piece.
I'll start the bidding at...
2,000,000 Euros.
2,200000.
2,400000... 2,600000...
To the man standing at the back.
2,800000 to you, madame.
Now a bid on the phone at 2, 900000.
3,000000!
To the man at the back... 3,200000!
3,500,000 to the same bidder,
3,500000 to the man at the back.
Who'll bid more?
3,700000 on the right.
3,900000 in the back on the left.
We're still at 3,900000 in the back...
I'm sorry, I've just been told that lot 31
has been withdrawn...
It's the seller's right
if the hammer hasn't come down.
Next is lot 32, a fine work by Fernand Léger,
a fine painting that we'll start at 2,000000...
Feel better?
Catherine, fabulous! Let me tell you...
Shut up, witch!
Save the poisoned apples for Snow White!
Mother, you made it! Come in!
Be right back, girls...
Darling, you were wonderful...
In a moment!
You're my Simone.
Can I help you?
Expecting someone?
My granddaughter. She works across the street.
Is that Jessica?
- She told me about you. - Really?
I work nearby, too.
I'm a musician.
You're a lucky man.
This is for you.
How sweet of you!
Darling!
- It's only for one night... - Thank God!
I know the prices!
This isn't madapolam!
It's crazy.
Are you sure?
I pre-paid.
You'll have a rose with breakfast. But no diamonds...
Did I ever tell you
how I started at the Ritz?
No. Tell me tomorrow!
You're not staying?
I have a date.
Come give me a kiss!
You're my ray of sunshine.
Your date is a lucky man.
It's too simple.
Declarations of war and of love, all at once.
It's too simple.
As for your strip-tease before an audience...
Is it a love letter or a farewell letter?
Which do you prefer?
I want us to be together.
You're my wife, my soldier.
My war isn't with you.
But I warn you, that lake house...
How about a beach house?
I'm cold.
Come...
let's go home.
It was a lovely concert.
You played the 2nd movement beautifully...
You have to take risks, Jessica.
I pushed my way in.
And you know, Jessica, I had a wonderful life.
Madapolam: Coarse cotton fabrlc, between calico and percale.
Named afterthe city in India where it was made.